Take the time during your holiday to reflect on Blessing. One of the most sacred experiences we have as humans is the experience of connection. We often overlook this and focus our attention on the "stuff" of life. When we feel connected we experience greater Peace, Joy and Happiness. The acquisition of stuff has only transient value and in fact often heightens our sense of frustration or restlessness. The mind cannot experience Peace through stuff it only wants more stuff which is endlessly stressful.
Try this exercise this Holiday season. When you give or receive a gift think of it as a Blessing. think of the gift as a symbol of the connection you feel with the giver or the recipient. We are actually giving and receiving ourselves at the deepest level. Notice the increased fullness and Joy you experience when you focus on Blessing and Connection. Connection is the true Gift that life offers. Don't miss the gift or overlook the Blessing by getting too caught up in the hype and material focus that surrounds us.
May your Holiday and all of your days be a Blessing, full of Peace, Joy and Connection. Call us @ Professional Alternatives, PLC 540-825-2788 if you are have difficulty with connection in your life or visit us on the web @ professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
GRATITUDE
Today I want to offer some thoughts about how we change negative thought patterns in our life. The problem most people have is their thought pattern becomes habitual. We look for and find what we expect. So, if you expect life to be difficult or problem filled you find exactly whay you are looking for. On the other hand if you are expecting life to be positive you will see the opportunity rather than the problem.
For one month make a committment to keep a gratitude journal. Every day write down five things you are grateful for in your life. Spend a few minutes reflecting on these aspects of life and try to get in touch with feelings associated with gratitude. Several times throughout the day recall your focus of gratitude for the day. Follow this practice for a month and notice whether your habits begin to change your experience.
If you are having difficulty establishing a pattern of positive experience in your life contact us @ professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or call us @540-825-2788.
For one month make a committment to keep a gratitude journal. Every day write down five things you are grateful for in your life. Spend a few minutes reflecting on these aspects of life and try to get in touch with feelings associated with gratitude. Several times throughout the day recall your focus of gratitude for the day. Follow this practice for a month and notice whether your habits begin to change your experience.
If you are having difficulty establishing a pattern of positive experience in your life contact us @ professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or call us @540-825-2788.
Gratitude
We often notice the things in life that upset us or we point out those things we disagree with. What would happen in your relationship if you concentrated on gratitude instead of complaints? Gratitude reminds us of the reasons we are in a relationship. It brings us back to our heart. When we view our partners with gratitude we approach them with love and kindness rather than criticism.
Viewing our world through the eyes of gratitude immerses us in the present moment without an argument. Complaints inherently separate us from the present and create "an argument with reality". For 1 month try keeping a gratitude journal on a daily basis and notice changes in your outlook and behavior. If you genuinely try to connect with those aspects of life and your relationship for which you are grateful you will likely notice you experience more joy, increased appreciation for everyday experience and a greater sense of intimacy in your relationship.
Remember that your relationship began in a state of gratitude. We quickly move away from the source of happiness into the egoic struggles for control. Move back into gratitude and practice maintaining it to rekindle the happiness you felt at the start of your relationship.
If you are having difficulty with connecting to gratitude we can help. Contact us @ Professional Alternatives, PLC 540-825-2788 or visit our website http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com for more information.
Viewing our world through the eyes of gratitude immerses us in the present moment without an argument. Complaints inherently separate us from the present and create "an argument with reality". For 1 month try keeping a gratitude journal on a daily basis and notice changes in your outlook and behavior. If you genuinely try to connect with those aspects of life and your relationship for which you are grateful you will likely notice you experience more joy, increased appreciation for everyday experience and a greater sense of intimacy in your relationship.
Remember that your relationship began in a state of gratitude. We quickly move away from the source of happiness into the egoic struggles for control. Move back into gratitude and practice maintaining it to rekindle the happiness you felt at the start of your relationship.
If you are having difficulty with connecting to gratitude we can help. Contact us @ Professional Alternatives, PLC 540-825-2788 or visit our website http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com for more information.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Make Your Relationship a Top priority
If asked, most of us would say it is important to remember birthdays an anniversaries. What is less emphasized is the importance of making our relationships a priority every day. Remember when your relationship was new, it was constantly on your mind. You spent time and energy letting your partner know much they meant to you. As relationships become routines we often fall into complacency and making the assumption that our beloved will always be there. When this happens we forget that a relationship can only thrive when we continue to invest in it.
For a month try to make an investment in your relationship every day. Acknowledge the small but important things your loved one does. Make a special effort to spend some time every day sharing your life with each other. Say "I Love You" often. Take time to do something special together each week. Plan a getaway for an evening or a weekend. Write a love-letter, share a favorite song, look at the sunset together. Engage regularly in bringing beauty and creativity into your life together. At the end of the month talk about your experience and think about what has changed in your relationship.
When we invest in making our relationship a priority we strengthen and support the bond that brought us together. When we live in a static or habitual pattern our relationship suffers and the bond weakens between us. Live each day as if it is the last day and each day will be filled with joy and a sweet recognition of the importance of your beloved. If your marriage has become stagnant or you are experiencing difficulty give us a call @Professional Alternatives, PLC 540-825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com we can help.
For a month try to make an investment in your relationship every day. Acknowledge the small but important things your loved one does. Make a special effort to spend some time every day sharing your life with each other. Say "I Love You" often. Take time to do something special together each week. Plan a getaway for an evening or a weekend. Write a love-letter, share a favorite song, look at the sunset together. Engage regularly in bringing beauty and creativity into your life together. At the end of the month talk about your experience and think about what has changed in your relationship.
When we invest in making our relationship a priority we strengthen and support the bond that brought us together. When we live in a static or habitual pattern our relationship suffers and the bond weakens between us. Live each day as if it is the last day and each day will be filled with joy and a sweet recognition of the importance of your beloved. If your marriage has become stagnant or you are experiencing difficulty give us a call @Professional Alternatives, PLC 540-825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com we can help.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Beauty
We live in a world of thought, constantly judging, categorizing, and evaluating. What would happen if you stepped out of the mind stream of your thoughts and moved more directly into your experience? When you stop to consider what your thoughts are based on you would see they are predominantly comparisons based on the past experiences of your life or they are projections of an imaginary future. If we are living in the past and future in our minds what is happening in the present moment? We rarely know the direct experience of now without a story attached to it.
The present moment is completely unique! If we could free ourselves from the constant comparisons and judgement we engage in we would open ourselves to experience the creative and truly magnificent dance of life. In fact, when you see something that is inspiringly beautiful, one of those "takes your breath away" moments, you are experiencing a momentary lapse in thought. You have stepped into experience in a direct way. We usually associate those moments with desirable experiences and almost immediately cling to them and try to find ways of repeating the experience. This experience of beauty is creative, it surprises us into accepting the moment as a gift of experience rather than repeating our thought judgement and categorization process that traps us in habitual thinking. Beauty invites us into its embrace and nourishes us through its connections to creation. Beauty awakens our senses and fills us with an awareness of something greater than ourselves. Beauty connects us with true happiness. Step into beauty every day! Nature is one of the most immediate and powerful displays of beauty, it is everywhere and it is free! Let nature remind you of your own beauty and celebrate life. If you have lost your connection to beauty or are finding it difficult to escape your mental prison give us a call @ Professional Alternatives, PLC (540)825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com.
The present moment is completely unique! If we could free ourselves from the constant comparisons and judgement we engage in we would open ourselves to experience the creative and truly magnificent dance of life. In fact, when you see something that is inspiringly beautiful, one of those "takes your breath away" moments, you are experiencing a momentary lapse in thought. You have stepped into experience in a direct way. We usually associate those moments with desirable experiences and almost immediately cling to them and try to find ways of repeating the experience. This experience of beauty is creative, it surprises us into accepting the moment as a gift of experience rather than repeating our thought judgement and categorization process that traps us in habitual thinking. Beauty invites us into its embrace and nourishes us through its connections to creation. Beauty awakens our senses and fills us with an awareness of something greater than ourselves. Beauty connects us with true happiness. Step into beauty every day! Nature is one of the most immediate and powerful displays of beauty, it is everywhere and it is free! Let nature remind you of your own beauty and celebrate life. If you have lost your connection to beauty or are finding it difficult to escape your mental prison give us a call @ Professional Alternatives, PLC (540)825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Abundance or Scarcity, What is Your world view?
Our experiences in life are governed by our belief system which is usually unconscious and unexamined. We accept certain things as true without considering whether we have any basis for the beliefs or perceptions we hold. Do you view your experience through fear and anxiety or with hope and optimism? Do you see possibilities or obstacles ahead of you? Is your relationship with money one of generosity or hoarding? Is there never enough in your life or do you feel gratitude for what you have?
These questions reflect fundamental differences in the way we approach life and create meaning. If our view is based in scarcity we will feel fearful and anxious even when the circumstances do not threaten us. If we approach life with a view of abundance we will find opportunity even when life presents obstacles. These differences dictate the emotional triggers which control our inner word. We feel happy or stressed based not so much on the outside events but more as a result of our inner belief system.
These issues are some of the important areas we examine in therapy. Helping people to achieve and maintain a happier life experience requires that we learn to change beliefs that keep us stuck in fear and anxiety. If you are looking for help with your outlook give us a call @ Professional Alternatives, PLC (540) 825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com
These questions reflect fundamental differences in the way we approach life and create meaning. If our view is based in scarcity we will feel fearful and anxious even when the circumstances do not threaten us. If we approach life with a view of abundance we will find opportunity even when life presents obstacles. These differences dictate the emotional triggers which control our inner word. We feel happy or stressed based not so much on the outside events but more as a result of our inner belief system.
These issues are some of the important areas we examine in therapy. Helping people to achieve and maintain a happier life experience requires that we learn to change beliefs that keep us stuck in fear and anxiety. If you are looking for help with your outlook give us a call @ Professional Alternatives, PLC (540) 825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Keep It Simple, Breathe!
Amidst the mountains of self help books it is easy to become overwhelmed with finding a place to start developing a greater sense of who we are. Clients will often ask if there is a simple way to calm stressful thoughts and my answer is yes, breathe. As simple as that sounds it is very likely that you cannot remember the last time you actually connected with your breath and consciously followed it. When you pay attention to your breath in a conscious or "mindful" way you step into the present moment, connect with your body and begin to notice the subtle but powerful experience of stepping out of thinking. We spend most of our lives following the endless flow of thoughts into the past and future where most of stress is created. The simple act of mindfully breathing can connect us to the direct experience of the moment where we can find relief from the mental anxieties and worries. Try it, sit comfortably and turn your attention inward toward your inhalation and exhalation. Pay careful attention to the flow of air and the sensations associated with breathing. Do not force it let your body do what it knows, just allow the breath to come. Now try to deepen the breath, by slowing down and taking the breath fully into your lungs then releasing the breath fully. Try this 10 times. You will find that this promotes relaxation and a feeling of greater control. Regular practice of mindful breathing will help you feel grounded, less stressed and healthier. If you would like to explore the benefits of mindfulness and breath work further give us a call at Professional Alternatives, PLC or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Our Thoughts Create Our Experience
Most of us do not realize that we are constantly creating our reality through the mind stream that interprets our experience. Imagine driving down a road on a beautiful day taking your time to view the scenery and thinking what a lovely place this is, I am so lucky to live here. Now imaging driving down the same road on a beautiful day when you are in a rush to get somewhere and encountering a slow driver with no place to pass, you think I hate these drivers that get in my way why can't they drive the speed limit? Just notice that you are traveling down the same road but a different experience! Our mind is constantly choosing to focus on some things and ignore others. The process is so automatic we rarely recognize it. The process of sorting and filtering, judging and categorizing is the constant underlying structure of our experience. Now consider that most of your stress is related to this very process. Our mind tells us that it is the outside events, people and content of our lives that is causing our stress. More accurately, it is the meaning we give these things which is controlling our experience.
The process of becoming more aware of our thoughts and recognizing there is choice involved can be a tremendously freeing change of focus. Mindfulness practice is exactly this change of focus. It is learning to become more observant of our internal world and through this learning to change our experience in the direction of happiness. Just notice that you can have a thought and at the same time observe that you are thinking the thought. Who is observing? You are not your thoughts you are the creator of your thoughts and you can change their meaning at any time. For most people this a radical idea, but it is the central awareness in creating the experience of happiness.
If you are struggling with stress or feeling trapped in your unhappy life experience contact us @ Professional alternatives, PLC (540)825-2788 or on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com for help with changing your reality.
Creating Mind and Body Health
In this Blog I examine a few of the lifestyle issues which affect our emotional and physical health.
When I talk with clients about their emotional concerns one of the consistent themes is a lack of "self care". and balance. Research has clearly shown that people who exercise regularly are less prone to depression as well as physical illness. When we consider a plan for maintaining balance in our lives we need to consider that an active lifestyle with regular exercise is important to our emotional well being. Exercise is often associated with a gym membership or buying a piece of exercise equipment, however these approaches are only useful when we "show up" to exercise. It is more effective to get outside and walk on a regular basis than going to the gym occasionally.
Research has also shown that a diet rich in Omega 3 fatty acids is linked to a healthy emotional outlook. Food is our body's fuel and the quality of what we eat effects the quality of our energy What we eat plays a key role in our emotional balance as well as our physical health. It is important to pay attention to our diet and make conscious choices about what we eat just as we need to make conscious choices about exercise
Finally, our thoughts are responsible for the way we see the world and ourselves. The content of our thinking is the source of most of our stress. One of the statements I make to clients on a regular basis is "Everything has only the meaning we give it".We need to learn to "observe and question " our thoughts to avoid the trap of believing every thought we have is true.
Learning to balance our thoughts, feelings, work and play is the best way to maintain happiness in a stressful world. If you are interested in ways to create more balance in your life contact us at Professional Alternatives, PLC (540)-825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com
When I talk with clients about their emotional concerns one of the consistent themes is a lack of "self care". and balance. Research has clearly shown that people who exercise regularly are less prone to depression as well as physical illness. When we consider a plan for maintaining balance in our lives we need to consider that an active lifestyle with regular exercise is important to our emotional well being. Exercise is often associated with a gym membership or buying a piece of exercise equipment, however these approaches are only useful when we "show up" to exercise. It is more effective to get outside and walk on a regular basis than going to the gym occasionally.
Research has also shown that a diet rich in Omega 3 fatty acids is linked to a healthy emotional outlook. Food is our body's fuel and the quality of what we eat effects the quality of our energy What we eat plays a key role in our emotional balance as well as our physical health. It is important to pay attention to our diet and make conscious choices about what we eat just as we need to make conscious choices about exercise
Finally, our thoughts are responsible for the way we see the world and ourselves. The content of our thinking is the source of most of our stress. One of the statements I make to clients on a regular basis is "Everything has only the meaning we give it".We need to learn to "observe and question " our thoughts to avoid the trap of believing every thought we have is true.
Learning to balance our thoughts, feelings, work and play is the best way to maintain happiness in a stressful world. If you are interested in ways to create more balance in your life contact us at Professional Alternatives, PLC (540)-825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com
0 comments | EditBookmark: del.icio.us | StumbleUpon | Digg Posted 06:29 AM March 30, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
PASSION, THE BEST ANTI-DEPRESSANT
You may have wondered with the dramatic increase in medication options for mood disorders such as depression whether there is any reason to do anything about the blues other than take a pill. Research has repeatedly shown that medication without psychotherapy is less effective in outcome measures for treatment of depression. Newer research coming out of the integrative medicine field suggests that one of the ways the brain deals with trauma is to grow new "Dendrites" or receptors at the neuro- transmitter site. What is interesting is that studies have also shown that another way neuro genesis occurs is when we are passionate about something. So Passion may be how we naturally heal and maintain our optimism for life. Dance, Sing, and Love with all of your Heart may indeed be the best medicine for depression! If you feel that you have lost your connection to Passion or need to explore ways to manage your emotional stress it may be time to consider therapy as an option. Give us a call at Professional Alternative, PLC (540)-825-2788 or visit us on the web @ http://www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com. Be well and live Joyfully!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
CREATING HEALTHY MARRIAGES PART 3
CREATING HEALTHY MARRIAGES PART 3
Posted On 2013-03-17 06:39:45
Occasionally I see couples who spend time in their session trying to establish who was to blame for their recent argument. As we work on their problem it becomes clear that they are suffering from what I refer to as the crime and punishment model of relationship. Healthy relationships are not based on blame or punishment, they are focused on respect and safety. We cannot establish healthy communication if we are continuously operating in an environment of mistrust and defensiveness.
Have you ever wondered what that feeling of self protection which comes up in arguments is really protecting? Do you feel safer when you blame, criticize or defend? Probably not, because when we do this we are really defending our own feelings of powerlessness or self criticism. Strong relationships depend on our ability to establish a feeling of confidence and respect within in order to treat our partner with respect and kindness.
Therapy looks at our inner world to help establish a more compassionate and accepting self concept. Through the safety of our open heart we can become more loving and kind in our communication with others. There is no safety or shelter in a relationship based on constantly defending ourselves or blaming our partner. Try looking inside at the self judgments and self criticism to better understand your defensive behavior. If you would like to explore these ideas further fell free to contact us @ www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or by phone @ 540-825-2788.
Have you ever wondered what that feeling of self protection which comes up in arguments is really protecting? Do you feel safer when you blame, criticize or defend? Probably not, because when we do this we are really defending our own feelings of powerlessness or self criticism. Strong relationships depend on our ability to establish a feeling of confidence and respect within in order to treat our partner with respect and kindness.
Therapy looks at our inner world to help establish a more compassionate and accepting self concept. Through the safety of our open heart we can become more loving and kind in our communication with others. There is no safety or shelter in a relationship based on constantly defending ourselves or blaming our partner. Try looking inside at the self judgments and self criticism to better understand your defensive behavior. If you would like to explore these ideas further fell free to contact us @ www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or by phone @ 540-825-2788.
Keywords: therapy counselor marriage therapist psychotherapy
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CREATING HEALTHY MARRIAGES PART 2
Creating Healthy Marriages Part 2
Posted On 2013-03-14 10:17:04
As follow up to my previous post I wanted to add an additional thought which may be helpful. Most of up who have experienced relationships know that there are times when we feel our partner is pushing our buttons. Frequently I hear my clients tell me that their spouse is really "making them angry" or they "do not understand me".
One of the tools for creating a healthy relationship is to remember that other people do not create our emotions, we do. That runs contrary to what most of us learn throughout life. However, if you think carefully about it, you will see that your emotions are a response to the "meaning " you are giving to whatever is happening. Change the meaning and the emotions will change with this shift. A healthy and more powerful approach to our emotions is to ask ourselves "How am I creating this feeling or what is it about in me?"
The truth is we have no control over others but we have complete control over our own thoughts and feelings, if we learn the tools of self reflection. These are some of the things we work on in psychotherapy. Becoming more mindful and honest with ourselves and others regarding our emotions strengthens our feelings of self control This also improves our communication and results in giving up any belief in being the victim in our relationships.
For more information feel free to visit us on the web @ www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or call us for a consultation @ 540-825-2788
One of the tools for creating a healthy relationship is to remember that other people do not create our emotions, we do. That runs contrary to what most of us learn throughout life. However, if you think carefully about it, you will see that your emotions are a response to the "meaning " you are giving to whatever is happening. Change the meaning and the emotions will change with this shift. A healthy and more powerful approach to our emotions is to ask ourselves "How am I creating this feeling or what is it about in me?"
The truth is we have no control over others but we have complete control over our own thoughts and feelings, if we learn the tools of self reflection. These are some of the things we work on in psychotherapy. Becoming more mindful and honest with ourselves and others regarding our emotions strengthens our feelings of self control This also improves our communication and results in giving up any belief in being the victim in our relationships.
For more information feel free to visit us on the web @ www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or call us for a consultation @ 540-825-2788
Keywords: social workers counselors marriage family counseling personal culpeper
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Creating Healthy Marriages
Posted On 2013-03-13 04:49:15
Creating the relationship you want takes work and demands attention. Like anything else in life the effort we put in will determine the results. While I cannot offer any "magic" solutions to marital problems my years as a counselor have taught a few very simple and practical tools.. The first thing I tell my clients is that if you want a happier relationship it is better to be" kind" than it is to be "right".. Many arguments can be avoided in relationships if we remember that an opinion is just that ,it is not a contest to dominate or control a relationship. If we are really honest most of the time when we argue to win our point we are simply feeling threatened that the other person does not agree with us . A good practice is to observe our desire to convince others that our opinion is "right" is simply a way we attempt to bolster our own ego.
These are the kinds of issues that we address in marital therapy as a way to improve communication and cooperation. Psychotherapy cannot resolve a lack of commitment to a marriage , however it can help a committed couple find a path to a more peaceful and happier relationship. Other suggestions will be presented in future blogs. If you have questions feel free to look up our website, www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or call our practice for additional information @ 540-825-2788.
These are the kinds of issues that we address in marital therapy as a way to improve communication and cooperation. Psychotherapy cannot resolve a lack of commitment to a marriage , however it can help a committed couple find a path to a more peaceful and happier relationship. Other suggestions will be presented in future blogs. If you have questions feel free to look up our website, www.professionalcounselingpiedmontva.com or call our practice for additional information @ 540-825-2788.
Keywords: psychotherapist marriage therapist counselling
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